It’s Official: Madonna Is Certifiable

Here is my list of 13 demands to Madonna, if and when she wants to fornicate with me:

1. She must refer to me as the Czar
2. When I ask her to learn “Greek“, she must know it has nothing to do with the language
3. She must factor my social security number
4. The carpet and the drapes must match. I’m firm on this.
5. If and when I “finish” early she must say “swing and a miss” just like Joe Castiglione
6. I would like to dip my head in oil and rub it all over her body
7. Anal beads are a must. Again, I am firm on this.
8. Me, her, and A-Rod should partake in at least one night of Twister
9. The words “hand manipulation” shall never be uttered
10. Like a Virgin shall be played throughout the house as I taint Madonna for life
11. My balls shall be doused with Baby Powder both before and after my dirty deeds
12. I require a hot, warm, cloth after the escapades take place, just like how the lovely Asian women give me in Providence after my “massage”
13. She must perform this song in concert and dedicate to me each night

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