10 People Who I’d Love To R Kelly
July 8, 2008 by Mike
10. Marko Jaric- Mainly because he is engaged to my girl Adriana Lima, and the fact that he makes over 7 Million dollars a year. Also, he’s European. I wish I could make it rain all over his face.
9. Chris Berman- For one he is a douche, secondly, year in and out he tries to ruin the NFL Draft. He did create the greatest story ever. I hate seeing his fat face on TV, and would gladly give him a Golden shower. This man needs to be Schultzed.
8. Kanye West- He is the definition of a douche. He whines like a baby if someone criticizes him. He’s got more attitude than Jada Pinkett Smith, and thinks he’s God’s gift to music. I bet he goggles himself daily too! I’d drink a 24oz Mountain Dew to get ready for him. If he thinks plastic surgery is bad, what till he gets R Kellyed by me, its gonna look a lot like this.
7. Fake Giambi Mustache Wearers- What do you people think this is funny ? People were doing this in the early 1900’s for Charlie Chaplin. And you decide to bring it back. Plus you’re all New Yorkers, I’d gladly give you a Golden Shower any day.
6. Women of the WNBA- Some of you can be attractive, just look here. But the fact that you’re on ESPN and ABC, and have a better TV deal than Hockey is ridiculous. I’d rather watch poker re-runs, or Arena Football, than watch that game you call Basketball. Thanks David Stern.
5. Jessica Simpson’s Dad- Not only do I think he is a closet homo, but I think he’s got a thing for his daughters. He never leaves my girl Jessica alone, and he is constantly seen, and dresses like a 17-year-old at Hollister. I would do it in a second, if it wins the heart of my faithful love. Or, I could just Schultz him for her.
4. Heidi Watney- Remy hates her, I can’t stand her. She isn’t attractive. She belongs with former Celtics reporter Laura Behnke. Both are ugly, and don’t bring anything to the table. Berman wouldn’t even touch’em. Bring back Eric Frede or Tina Cervasio, or just bring in the fabulous Julie Donaldson.
3. Linda Hogan- First off, she broke everyone’s favorite dad Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s heart. What does she do to spite the family? Dates a 19-year-old, who used to hangout with their kids. She is trying to steal Hulkamania’s money. She is becoming the American version of Heather Mills. I’d squirt on her right now if I could. I wish I could Schultz her too.
2. Madonna- She bad mouths America. She is banging A-Rod. She tries to convert everyone to Kabbalah. I would of gladly done it 15 years ago. I betcha Dennis Rodman already has. Guy Ritchie can join me if he wants, no homo.
1. David Tyree- He ruined my life for 4 months. He ruined the Patriots perfect season. I truly wish no good to this man during football season. I hate him as a player and wish him no luck. I’d even makeout with the grand-daughter of the New York Giant owners to get the chance. I’d drink a 12-pack, I’d hold my piss for 6 days just to unload on that douche.
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can u put cornball vandertwat on this list for talking grammar on your site, what a loser.
Have to add the lethal combination of Matt Walsh and Arlen Specter to this list as well. I’d even Dirty Sanchez those fuckers after the Golden Shower for good measure.
Schultz yourself Yankeehater.
I should probably clarify, I only bad mouth Zippa’s blogs, I could care less about the grammar, I just don’t like the content. Mike’s blogs are pretty fucking good.